The Second Step

I sometimes give Luke the camera…not too bad.

I have noticed a big change in my parenting style lately. I simply don’t care! What I mean is, that I don’t care what others do, I don’t care what others think, I just don’t care. I was placing WAY too much importance on what others thought. I am not raising my kid to be perfect, I’m raising him because I love him. It seems that so much of my thinking was around his behavior. I placed way too much importance on my child’s reputation rather than his soul. I got so bogged down with books, Google this, blog that…I wasn’t relying on my own intuition. For the longest time I didn’t think I had any intuition. “Parenting does not come natural to me”, I would say. How wrong I was. It’s the most natural thing in the world. I was the one causing it to be unnatural.

I love being a mom, more now than ever!

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only for wallowing in.” KATHERINE MANSFIELD

“Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.” PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY

“Let’s not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that’s gone.” WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

I’ve always been amazed at the celebrities that would come on television and say that they had no regrets. I’ve always thought that maybe that was what they were supposed to say. I thought it was a bit arrogant. I would always hear the ever, “I am who I am today because of what happen to me.” I’ve come to realize that celebrities are not the only ones that say that. A lot of folks believe that way.

I can not say that.

Do I regret that second peace of cake last night? Yes

The rude comment to my husband? Yes

Snapping at my four year old? Yes

Cheating my way through high school? Yes

The abortion I had when I was 19. Yes

Not listening to my parents about certain things? Yes

Not reading my bible more?  Of course!

Even though those things have indeed made me the unique person I am today…what would my life be like if those things did not happen? Can I say that I would be happier? I can’t. Could there have been less pain and suffering? Possibly. I find it a very arrogant way to look at life and say that you have no regrets. I love talking to a person that is humble enough to admit that they messed up, that they weren’t just sorry…but regretful.

I don’t cry everyday over these things. I hardly ever think about them. But I regret them. They don’t bring me down I don’t live my life in the past. I have my regrets. I move on. I live my life the best way I can.

But, when my four year old looks at me when he is a teenager and asks, “So Mom, do you ever regret….?” How can I possibly tell him no? If I told him no, what is that saying to him?

I don’t want to go through my life with a mask on trying to pretend. I want to learn from my mistaskes and try to be a better me. I think that having some things in life that I regret make me so ever grateful for the present…and the future!

Katharine Hepburn says it best in my opinion…

“I have many regrets, and I’m sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret? if you have any sense, and if you don’t regret them, maybe you’re stupid.”