The Second Step

I have been a runner for about 20 years. I don’t compete, I’m not fast, I just like to run. I run with a group that has been together for about five years. And, in that five years we have run the same course. The same course every week, every week, the same road. The “loop” we call it. However, the loop never gets boring because we fill our time with lots and lots of conversation. We talk about anything and everything. Through the years we have cried together, celebrated together, had babies, lost parents, you name it. So, we just put it on auto pilot and run, not really thinking about the path just running and talking.

This year in my life, I realized I needed a new path. I feel like I have been on auto pilot. I don’t want to keep running on the same road. I’m not sure what that means, but it is a pull, a gentle nudge if you will to do something. I’m not saying that this is some mid life crisis and that I am going to jump out of a plane or go live in India for 6 months. I just feel like doing more. Giving more of myself. Dieing to myself more. Learning more. Living more. It’s really hard to put into words. But, I’m excited to see where this new road will take me.

This past year has probably been the worst year of my life. So many personal struggles, and yet I am still running. The funny thing is…is that I will probably have a worse year, and maybe even another after that. I can’t even imagine. But, if I stay on this road it will just take me back around the loop, I need a new direction. So, I am earnestly seeking what that direction is. I am humbled like never before, and I’m ready. A wise woman once told me that her son had broken his collar bone. The doctors told them that once the collar bone has been broken, it can never be broken in that spot again. My last year feels like that. I have been so broken, SO broken…but I am healed and can never be broken that way again. I’m very grateful for that. I can not wait to see the new path. It’s like I’m just standing at a road wondering which direction to take. Scary…but yet exciting.