The Second Step

I have been a runner for about 20 years. I don’t compete, I’m not fast, I just like to run. I run with a group that has been together for about five years. And, in that five years we have run the same course. The same course every week, every week, the same road. The “loop” we call it. However, the loop never gets boring because we fill our time with lots and lots of conversation. We talk about anything and everything. Through the years we have cried together, celebrated together, had babies, lost parents, you name it. So, we just put it on auto pilot and run, not really thinking about the path just running and talking.

This year in my life, I realized I needed a new path. I feel like I have been on auto pilot. I don’t want to keep running on the same road. I’m not sure what that means, but it is a pull, a gentle nudge if you will to do something. I’m not saying that this is some mid life crisis and that I am going to jump out of a plane or go live in India for 6 months. I just feel like doing more. Giving more of myself. Dieing to myself more. Learning more. Living more. It’s really hard to put into words. But, I’m excited to see where this new road will take me.

This past year has probably been the worst year of my life. So many personal struggles, and yet I am still running. The funny thing is…is that I will probably have a worse year, and maybe even another after that. I can’t even imagine. But, if I stay on this road it will just take me back around the loop, I need a new direction. So, I am earnestly seeking what that direction is. I am humbled like never before, and I’m ready. A wise woman once told me that her son had broken his collar bone. The doctors told them that once the collar bone has been broken, it can never be broken in that spot again. My last year feels like that. I have been so broken, SO broken…but I am healed and can never be broken that way again. I’m very grateful for that. I can not wait to see the new path. It’s like I’m just standing at a road wondering which direction to take. Scary…but yet exciting.

My son is the absolutely slowest person on the planet. He is never in any hurry what so ever. I know that it is partially because of his age, but man, it takes us forever to get anywhere! It’s a good thing I stay at home with him, because we would be late for EVERYTHING.

I have never seen my son more excited than on his 4th birthday. He was so proud and so happy. It was like he had arrived at something. He began telling me that he liked certain foods now that he was four. “I can do it all by myself, because I’m four.” “I couldn’t do that when I was three right? But now I can because I’m four.” “I was three for a really long time huh mom?”

 Turning four was monumental. We began talking about his very first birthday party and who was all there. He was thrilled to look back at the pictures to find the very same people at his 4th birthday party! And that is when it hit me. He…is…four…  I began looking at all of the four years worth of pictures. I looked at so many pictures of him as a baby, and those first few years. All I could think about was how hurried I have become. It seems like I say hurry up so many times in one day. “Let’s hurry and get your teeth brushed,” “hurry up Luke we have to get dressed for school”. “Hurry up and eat your dinner.” “Get in you car seat, and hurry up or we will be late.” Even on days that we don’t go anywhere I find myself telling my now little boy to hurry.

Looking back on those pictures made me realize that I don’t want to be in a hurry. I can’t even begin to tell you where three went and I certainly don’t want to forget four. So even though he is slow going, now I can take more pictures with my mind of all the details I don’t want to forget.

I once heard a man refer to his wife as a “there you are” person, and I have never been able to get that out of my mind. What a great thing to say about someone. What a great thing to have someone say about you. So I began to watch and listen to people and this is what I came up with:

I remember going on a date in college. I came back and my roommate said, “So how was it?” “Great!” I said. She asked me all these questions about him, to which I could give no answer. But, I really liked this guy. How could I like him if I didn’t even know him? It’s because he knew what Dale Carnegie says…”You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you”
I love me some Dale!

For the last 4 years a group of us girls have been meeting at Starbucks to run. Afterward, we always sit for about 15-20 minutes to have coffee and visit. It truly is the best part of my day. It’s early, but my friends are tried and true and I can always count on them to be there. We have seen many baristas come and go and all of them learn our drinks very quickly.

Well, every morning since I can remember, there has been a man sitting at the same table drinking a cup of coffee. He sits and smiles at everyone, while reading his paper. We began to talk to him more and more each morning. He was always so nice, and never wanted to take away from our cherished girl time. However, you could tell he was lonely. After about 2 weeks we all noticed that this man was not at his usual table. Unfortunately, we knew nothing about him to know why. About a month or so later he showed back up again, only looking quite different. He had dropped about 50 or so pounds and was almost in a confused like state. Come to find out he had suffered previously from a major stroke and had just recently had another one. He had been in rehab and was basically learning how to do things all over. His speech was now delayed and he had to really think about what he was trying to say.

So this began our new routine at Starbucks: to find out how he was progressing and how therapy was going for him. This man, whose name we still did not know, was so excited to be alive. He was happy to have been given a new leash on life and he was not afraid to share it with you. He wanted everyone to stay away from fatty foods, and to exercise….regularly! A couple of years have gone by and still I see him every morning reading his paper. The amazing quality about this man is his incredible way of sharing his life with us. He does not hold back. He tells us everything, details include that he is on a new medicine that makes him urinate himself. He says this with such pride and confidence. Pride that he is not ashamed and confident that he is ok.

I’m amazed at how much this stranger becomes so vulnerable with us. But, that is not the most amazing part, it’s how vulnerable I become right back. When he asks me how I’m doing, it’s because he really wants to know. I find myself telling him all kinds of remotely privy information. And I don’t even know his name. To me he’s just the Starbucks Man.